You know whats fucking scary? The fact that I could literally change my life at any moment. I could stop talking to everyone that makes me unhappy. I could kiss whoever i want. I could shave my head or get on a plane or take my own life. Nothing is stopping me. The entire world is in my hands, and I have no idea what to do with it.
I am going to rant and rage of how my father doesn’t fucking understand the economy or anything. I was really excited about learning that I got a job opportunity to teach English to Chinese students. Of course the first thing my dad asks is how much it pays… God forbid if i wanted to volunteer to help teach young minds. Well, they are covering my room and board, flight, and some meals. In addition, I would receive roughly 1200 US dollars a month. I know it isn’t much, but still I would be getting paid. My father promptly replies to this meager pay by saying you could make more working at taco bell.
The only way for me to be successful in his eyes is to make money. It pisses me off to no extent that he thinks I’m settling or I could make much more doing something else. He had no problem suggesting to work at the Chrysler plant on production making 18 bucks and hour. Yes, that is descent money, but it is awful tedious and mundane work. My dad hates his job. Day in and day out he complains about it and is never happy. Now when i see that him making over 100K dollars a year and still not being happy it makes me question why I should settle for a job just for pay.
Furthermore, he thinks just because I have a bachelors degree, I will automatically have a job that pays 40k a year. I am so fucking pissed that he wasn’t even happy for me or even congratulate me on getting this position. Meanwhile my older brother works for my uncle doing car stuff and doesn’t say shit. I am the most educated in my family, and I feel like no matter what I do I will impress him or make him happy unless I bring home a fat pay check week after week. But who knows, maybe he’ll win the lottery since he has been playing it for 20 plus years without a single winning.
A final note is how my parents didn’t pay for a single dime for my education because they didn’t have the money. (but they had the money to travel to Mexico, Jamaica, St Louis, and buy not one but two boats) I know they don’t have to pay for my education or even owe me anything. I have been busting my ass and I am struggling to get by. Ugh.